Ministry of Nicknames Statistic: 5 most commonly assigned nicknames

1. Smitty
2. Jonesey
3. Buddy
4. Murph
5. Numbskull

Ministry of Nicknames Statistic: 5 most common denials of N-1350 Request to Self-Assign Nickname

1. Party Animal
2. Diva
3. Bikini Inspector
4. Miss Thang
5. Miscellaneous celebrity press creations – J-Lo, Li-Lo, P-Diddy, Wacko Jacko, Billy Bush, etc.

5 reasons I won’t be skipping work tomorrow to see Sex and the City.

1. Actresses are hard enough to look at on small television screen.
2. You wouldn’t be able to see the screen for all of the big, gaudy hats.
3. Prefer my gratuitous nudity to involve women who are hot but not women who are having a hot flash.
4. I can’t find a pair of mules in size [...]

10 great pies

1. Apple
2. Cherry
3. Strawberry Rhubarb
4. Pecan
5. Lemon Meringue
6. Chess
7. Shepherds
8. Pumpkin
9. Chicken Pot
10. Boston Cream

100th Collector’s Edition: A list of great lists.

1. The Ten Commandments
2. Schindler’s List
3. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s 500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll.
4. David Lettermans Top Ten Lists
5. Franz Liszt
6. Fascinating Urinals
7. Earl Hickey’s karma list
8. Kasey Kassem’s America’s Top 40 (yep, it only used to be a great list.)
9. George Carlin’s words you can’t say on televsion
10. [...]

5 variety shows that I miss

1. Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts
2. Real People
3. That’s Incredible
4. Battle of the Network Stars
5. The Carol Burnett Show

7 game shows I miss

1. Match Game (this could have been by itself on a one item list.)
2. Truth or Consequences
3. High Rollers
4. Tattle Tales
5. Joker’s Wild
6. $25,ooo Pyramid
7. Don Adam’s Screen Test